Relationships and Sex

When we talk about relationships and sex it can often feel like quite a difficult subject. What you need to remember is that this subject covers many things including friendships, body parts and body changes.

Figures show that Looked After Children are at high risk of becoming a teenage parent because of sometimes being out of education or being moved from placements so it is vital that you feel able to deal with this subject.

You should ensure that as part of the Placement Plan you are clear of any family values or religious beliefs that underpin this subject. A parent may express wishes about their young person’s sex education, which should be taken into account, but your over-riding aim must be to safeguard a young person’s health and well-being.

All young people need communication, guidance, and information about these issues, even if they sometimes don’t appear to be interested in what you have to say. They may come across a lot of inappropriate information on the TV, radio or internet so the need to be able to check what is right and what is wrong.

Remember to talk to young people whatever their gender identity and don’t assume if there are two hosts, the other is doing it. Both hosts should be involved in these conversations.

You must adopt the same approach with young people who explore or are confused about their sexual identity or who have decided to follow a particular lifestyle so long as it is not abusive or illegal.

Discussing relationships and sex can be more complex if the young person has been sexually abused. They may blame themselves and have confused feelings about the purpose of sex. You may need to work closely with other professionals including the young person’s social worker to ensure they are clear on appropriate relationships and sexual behaviour, and to rebuild self-esteem and develop trusting relationships.

You should try not to project how you feel about the subject onto the young person, so if you cringe when asked a question, the young person may also shut down or be unsure what this means.

Research says that if parents/carers talk to children and young people about this subject they are more likely to delay having sex and use contraception when they do.

Effective relationships and sex education at home and in education is essential if young people are to make responsible and well informed decisions about their lives and resist peer pressure.

Some useful tips:

• It is always best to check out what a young person knows, so if they ask you a question, ask them what they think it means;
• Do not wait for them to raise the subject. You could talk to a young person about something that has been circulating on the internet or in the news to get their views.  You should also cover topics such as friendships, respect, consent and trust;
• Find leaflets or appropriate websites to look at together;
• Find out where local services are that can help. Contact local youth services or look on-line for more information.

Some young people may have a strong desire to have a baby. They may think by doing this they can create their own family which could offer love and stability. It may be useful to seek support from their social worker or your Supervising Worker about how to deal with this. They could help you identify possible agencies that may be able to advise you. They may look at exercises such as:

• How they plan to support a baby emotionally and financially;
• What are the day to day costs needed to care for a baby;
• Experiencing what it is like to care for a baby;
• What do they want for their children?

 If your young person is engaged in sexual activity you should speak to your Supervising Worker and the young person’s social worker to agree what steps to take to reduce the risk of pregnancy or infection, including contact with a sexual health services. As a host you should not give advice on contraceptive choices, the sexual health services are trained to do this.

If a young person is suspected or known to be pregnant or have a sexually transmitted infection, you should speak to your Supervising Worker, who should consult the young person’s social worker to decide on the actions that should be taken as soon as possible.

If you are concerned that a young person is being abused, exploited or at risk of Significant Harm, you should share your concerns with the young person’s social worker as soon as possible.

Issues of confidentiality are vital in promoting positive relationships and sex education, the main principle regarding confidentiality is that you should not tell anybody someone’s personal information unless failure to do so would put them at risk or suspected risk. Young people have a right to expect that those who work with or support them respect their privacy.

If you are concerned that a young person is being abused, exploited or at risk of Significant Harm, you should encourage them to agree for you to do something that will protect them.

See: Sexual Exploitation.

Remember that early sharing of information is key to providing effective help for young people. Where possible, practitioners should share confidential personal information with Children’s Social Care with consent. However, where there are concerns that a young person is suffering, or is likely to suffer, significant harm, practitioners should be willing to share information without consent where the public interest served by protecting the young person from harm outweighs the duty of confidentiality.

To follow.